Recently there was an issue that came up and I felt like I just got punched right in my stomach. I was sad at my reaction; disturbed deep inside my heart. Not because of other people, but because of ME, my own heart and what it is capable of. I got another glimpseof what my natural, fleshy heart is without God being the guiding spirit in it. It wasn’t that I did some “major horrible thing”. It was a seemingly small thing. But for me it was so significant. It meant that something so “small” could have been the “little fox” that spoils the vine, as it says in Song of Solomon 2:15. The “little fox” could cause death to the whole vine, if they are not kept away from it.
Do you know what I am talking about? You do something, that maybe outwardly doesn’t seem so bad, you just meant it for good? But you realize as the moments pass, that maybe there was a deeper root of something in you that caused you to think or react that way?
Realization
I was beginning to see that God was getting at something deeper. As I was questioning and searching, going about my day, all the sudden it was like the Holy Spirit fell on me and I had an epiphany moment of what was happening. Everything became clear. That is God’s way. He brings clarity. When we question, pray and soul search He meets us there.
You know what it showed me? It showed me that I still have this human nature that can very easily trip me up, and I NEED God to lead me into the paths of righteousness every day. I cannot trust my own heart. It is very fallible. The bible says:
Jeremiah 17:9 (NKJV)
The heart is deceitful above all things, And desperately wicked; who can know it?
I feel like I got caught with my pants down, not to the world, but between me and God. I was exposed. God sees everything, all the time, so it wasn’t something new for Him, but it was for me. God was opening up to me what He had already been watching. I felt crushed and ashamed. The thoughts that ran through my head were saying, “I can’t believe you Beth. How could you do that? You have been a Christian for so long. Who are you to be even speaking to anyone about Jesus and trying to encourage them, when you yourself are making these kinds of mistakes. You are not worthy!”So this is what happens then once that realization comes. The accuser, the Devil comes to destroy. As Jesus is recorded saying in John:
John 10: 10 (NKJV)
The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that thez may have life and that they may have it more abundantly.
God WANTED to bring this issue out in the open, to my attention. The tears are now flowing as I write this, not because I feel ashamed of my heart anymore, but because I am now seeing the love of God for me, to bring these issues to the surface so He can deal with them, and strengthen my foundation in Him! He has HIS purposes in this. For the purpose of growing me up, in order to be a light to others in a deeper way, BECAUSE I have gone through another one of “God’s-Pruning-Sessions-101”. It is by His grace He takes out the scalpel and cuts away these secret things of my heart that I didn’t even know were there, and replaces them with HIS desires and goodness. He brings them to light and then does surgery if we allow Him to work.
In Jeremiah 17:10 (NKJV), it goes on to say:
I, the Lord, search the heart, I test the mind, Even to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his doings.
God was beginning to clean-up-shop in my heart. The way only HE can do, with grace and mercy and love. He begins to speak to me and pull away the seeds of condemnation that the devil was trying so hard to plant in my heart. He begins to till the ground and re-enforce the good seed that was planted there long ago, the good seed that brings forth the right kind of fruit. He replenishes me with HIS living water. HE pours it in, unhindered! Then He speaks His words. And we know faith comes by hearing (Romans 10:17). He says, “Beth, I am teaching you something here. I am preparing you. I am working with you. I am showing you MY ways and that they are better than your ways.” This MUST happen so you can grow. This MUST take place if you are going to shine ME to the world. Everything, EVERYTHING in this life HAS to be about ME and not you. We have got to make sure that your foundation stays true and no weeds take root there to make that foundation unstable. It has to stay secure and solid. That is why I am teaching you, pruning you, cutting away the cancer that would quench MY life in you, growing you into who I want you to be. I know it hurts, but I am here to help you. I will comfort you. Let’s keep going together.”
It is painful, the surgery, the cutting away. It hurts. It will cost you to walk with God. It will cost you, your life. BUT! But God is good, God is love, God is caring, God will cut away, BUT the way He cuts is because of LOVE! He LOVES me. He LOVES YOU! He wants us to grow, prosper, be fruitful and multiply, BUT it does not come without the pruning sessions. AND the healing that comes from it, if we allow Him to do the perfect work that He wants to within us, will then be a spring of living water that flows out of our own heart quenching our deep thirst. He is that source of living water! We try to fill ourselves with many other things, but it never satisfies. But God has made a way for real, true fulfillment now.
Right now in this moment you, you can drink of that living water. Truth has a name, Truth will set you free. Truth is JESUS. As the scripture says,
John 14:6 (NKJV)
Jesus said to him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.
He leads us to the Father, who does the cutting to bring forth MORE fruit. THEN we prosper. Not materialistically, which fades away, but spiritually, where it counts! The only prospering that counts for anything, is spiritual prosperity. It is the only place of true fullfiment. And it starts with Jesus. He leads us to the Father. And when and if we find the Father, we find a well spring of life that leads us to abundance of joy and peace, right now on this Earth, today! Jesus says in:
2 Corinthians 6:2 (NKJV):
“In an acceptable time I have heard you, And in the day of salvation I have helped you.” Behold, now isthe accepted time; behold, now isthe day of salvation.
The Devil and our natural nature, try to get us too fixed on the future or the past. We lose sight of today. So keep your focus on today. Today it is possible to experience change and grow and have life!
This world will cut you, and leave you for dead. But GOD’s cutting has a marvelous PURPOSE, a beautiful purpose, to bring MORE fruit. The great work of transformation begins in us when we realize our weakness and need for HIM.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10 (NKJV):
And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.10Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
He has turned my mourning into dancing!
Psalm 30:11 (NKJV)
You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;You have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness,
He has renewed my strength like the eagles.
Isaiah 40:31
But those who wait on the LordShall renew their strength;They shall mount up with wings like eagles,They shall run and not be weary,They shall walk and not faint.
He has changed me in an instant! Not in a lighting bolt kind of way that the whole world witnessed, but while I was at home, alone, doing the normal daily life things. I was searching and He met me. He filled me. He changed me right then and there.
Where can you find God and experience His presence in your daily life? The answer is, anywhere and everywhere at any time of the day.
Let’s allow God to change us right now where we are. Even in the mundane normal daily duties, He is there. Call out to Him. He is only a thought away.
Until next time,
Keep growing strong!
Beth
